Forgiveness
by goldengreaser
Summary: It's been almost fourtyyears since the events of nineteen sixty six and Johnny's mother is contaplating the monster she once was. One Shot
1. The Meeting

She stared out the window of her room into the black abyss. It was a starless, moonless night; and the only light came from the street lamps, many of which were broken and shattered from fights and teenage boys getting their kicks.

Teenage boys, the thought made her laugh. So many times she had called the hoodlums and no good when it was her that was no good, her and Rick.

She hadn't been the nicest person; not in the least bit to tell the truth. She had ranted and raved and ignored, ignored her only child a son.

A son with dark hair and big black eyes, a son with broken bones and big black and blue bruises that were caused by her husband. Her son was gone now and had been for going on forty years September.

It was her fault he was dead, hers and Rick's. If they had loved him, hugged him once said they were proud of him just once then maybe he wouldn't be.

He wouldn't have been in the lot, wouldn't have run away with his friend and ended up dead, a murder and a hero.

Before Johnny had come along she had never heard of a murderer that was a selfless hero. Before Johnny came she didn't know what selfless was.

She knew now. Selfless was her son. Selfless was the way Johnny had loved her and Rick though he never was given that love in return. Selfless was him going into that fire with no regrets, dying with no regrets.

She slammed her fist on the chair. _Darn it Jessie why couldn't you have loved him, why couldn't you put down the booze?_ She thought bitterly

Jessie-Anne Jackson Cade had tried to blame the booze for years, the booze and Rick. They were apart of her son's suffering, a part of what caused his demise but so was she, so was she.

Sighing Jessie trudged off to bed.

The next morning she walked the two miles to the old graveyard and to the shady tree underneath which her son was buried.

The old grave was covered in leaves. Gingerly, loveingly Jessie swept them away as she did every week.

"Hello Johnny. It's me again. I know you probably hate me but please forgive me. I know I ask this every time I see you but I need you to know I love you son. I love you."

"He knows that now. It's all he ever wanted, you to say those words." Jessie looked up.

She knew the man who had spoke to her. He visited this grave about once every year or so but that wasn't how she knew him. He was a famous author and her dead son's best friend.

"Visiting are you?" she asked, her voice much softer then she had usually used when talking to this man; though they hadn't really talked since Johnny had been in the hospital years ago.

He hated her, she knew that much. He probably couldn't stand her."

The man nodded. "Yeah, my brother is having a grandkid."

Jessie smiled softly. The man held out a hand and helped her up. Jessie wondered why he was being so kind.

"I'm sure Johnny heard you and he probably forgives you. I never knew him to hold grudges."

Jessie nodded. "I wouldn't know. I never really got to know him. It's probably my biggest regret."

"Would you like to?" the man asked.

"How?"

The man smiled. "I'll tell you about him over some brunch. How about it?"

"That sounds nice." Jessie said quietly.

"By the way I'm Ponyboy. And I forgive you."

It was all Jessie had ever wanted to hear. All she ever wanted was to be forgiven. It was all Jessie had wanted to here for over thirty-nine years. She felt different somehow as if a heavy burden had been lifted from her very soul.

"Thank-you." She said. Ponyboy smiled at her.

"Do you like pizza?" he asked, his voice much happier this time. Jessie nodded and went to eat some brunch and lean about her son.

As she left she swore she head his voice in the wind whispering "I love you mom." It brought her the most joy she had ever felt in her life.


	2. The Talk

Disclaimer-I do not own The Outsiders

Disclaimer-I do not own _The Outsiders_

Jessie followed the man to the pizza parlor. "Cheese alright?"

"Yeha."

"Good it's my favorite. Can't stand pepperoni, reminds me of bologna and I just hate the stuff."

"Really?"

"Yeah when," he sighed, "When Johnny and I ran away we lived on bologna sandwiches for a week. I couldn't even stand them before that."

Jessie laughed slightly. "Did Johnny like them?"

"More then I did but he preferred roast beef, not that I blame him. Johnny loved to eat. But I guess we all do at that age."

"I suppose, Johnny never ate much at home."

"He usually ate at my place or at some other friend's house."

"SO he got good meals?"

Ponyboy grinned and got a far off look as if remembering something vividly. "My mom was a great cook; after she died my brother did most of the meals. It's a good thing too because I might have given Johnny food poising. I burnt water."

Jessie thought a moment. "I think I remember your mother. Her name was…, Margaret wasn't it?"

"Yeha. She adored Johnny."

"At least he had some type of mother. I wish I would have taken the chance while he was alive."

"Me too. He loved you, you know. He just wanted you and Rick to love him back."

Tears came to Jessie's eyes. "I know that, now at least. "

Ponyboy really felt bad. He had once hated this women and now he could see, she had changed. "Please don't cry. He knows you love him now. I bet he's up in Heaven grinning ear to ear."

"You think so?"

"I'm sure of it. We went to church all the time; he was saved. He's in Heaven and he know you love him. I bet he's more then happy."

"You don't know how glad I am to here that. I wish I could say the same for me."

'What do you mean?"

"I went to church when I was a little girl, believe it or not. I was saved. But when you become a teenager none of that seems to matter anymore, does it? Well maybe it did for you but I got wild and got pregnant. Things went downhill from there."

"You ever ask God to forgive you?"

"A million times a day. I don't deserve it though."

"None of us do, that is one reason his forgiveness is so wonderful, that he is so wonderful."

"You sound like a preacher or something."

Ponyboy laughed. "Me? Nah I just have been to church a lot and pay attention."

"Seems about right."

"yep, you should go sometime."

'You know I think I will."

_An Hour Later_

Ponyboy and Jessie were walking past some older buildings.

"Tell me more about him."

"He loved to play pinball."

"Was he any good?"

"Johnny was the best pinball player I ever met. I love that song Pinball Wizard by the Who. It makes me think of him." Ponyboy replied wistfully.

"What else?"

Ponyboy thought a moment. "He was very shy, rarely talked at all. I was about the same way. Our buddy, Two-Bit used to joke that we must make such interesting conversation."

Jessie laughed. "Did Johnny ever have a girlfriend?"

"No, I think he was half scared of girls. He deserved to have a nice one though."

"He deserved a lot that he didn't get." Jessie replied more solemnly.

"Yeha, he did. But you know what?"

'What?"

"There was a lot he did have. Our gang, the hoodlums as you called us, all looked out for him. He never had no where to go. We all took care of him. He sure took care of me."

"He must have cared an awful lot about you to save your life the way he did."

"Johnny was my best friend. I was the last person he ever spoke to. I feel guilty about it sometimes like it's partly my fault. If I had just not woken him up from that lot……"

"Then you probably would be dead. I never knew Johnny very well but I'm getting the feeling he wouldn't like that."

"No," the man sighed, "he wouldn't. He wouldn't like you wallowing in sorrow either."

They came to Jessie's old weather beaten house. "Thank you, for everything."

"No problem. And for the record, if Johnny were here he'd say the same thing."

On a whim Jessie hugged the man who in his childhood had been her son's best and truest friend. The man hugged her back.

"If you need anything at all call me."

"I will."

THE END


End file.
